I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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