Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
