so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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