He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
