I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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