Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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