She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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