I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
