So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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