Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
