K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
