dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
