i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
