I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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