I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
