why didn't you poke me back
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
