my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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