She's JV to your varsity
I accidentally burped into my bong.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
