I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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