she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
false alarm, still single
Randomize
