if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
