I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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