margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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