We named our party play list daddy issues
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
