alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
