So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
