you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
