i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
