just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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