i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
