I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
