She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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