you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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