Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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