did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
