i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
