I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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