I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
