drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
