My brain says no but my pants say off.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
