I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
