i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
