you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
