You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
