listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
