I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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