Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
