i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
