I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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