You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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