Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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