dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
