I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
