I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
