my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
