Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
