I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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