I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
