i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
