There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
PANTIES FOUND
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
