so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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