I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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