Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
