Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
